Being a mindful mother has been a goal of mine ever since I began considering motherhood. I have always known that the key to all good things that I wish for our world is intimately connected to how we raise our children. I also know that there are countless contradictory ideas swimming in our collective consciousness about how that should look. I don’t claim to have an answer that is any better or any worse than someone else’s. After teaching other people’s children for over a decade, as well as exploring my own sense of selfhood over the years, I’ve come to some flexible conclusions. My current experience of motherhood is my opportunity to test these theories. Variables change daily, and what’s more, we won’t see the results of this experiment for years to come. What an inexact science this is!

This post is the first in a series on mindful mothering. In each post, I’ll explore a different conclusion in more depth. But first …

Conclusion #1: Knowing Myself Makes Me a Better Mother

I’m not talking about the kinds of things I include in my Facebook profile. This is much deeper than the books I read or my favorite quote. I’m talking about unearthing my unconscious emotional triggers, being clear about what I want from life, and knowing who I want to be as a woman and a mother. I’m well aware this is a work in progress. Just because I may never fully know the answers isn’t a good enough reason to avoid them. The point is to be actively engaged in the questions, and here is why this is important to me as a mother:

When I am aware of my emotions and I’m in better control of my responses, I can make rational and thoughtful decisions about parenting that are separate from my own childhood issues. How many times do we hear women say, “Oh no – I’ve become my mother!” Now, for me, that would be a cool thing, because my mom happens to be my very best friend and I admire her completely. But this isn’t always the case, and many women are disturbed when they find themselves parenting in exactly the same way they were parented. Other women rebel against their parents and choose to raise their children in as opposite a way as possible. Either way, these are parenting decisions that are made in reaction to childhood issues, rather than from a place of thoughtful choice.

For my baby shower two years ago, the note accompanying a little self-pampering basket read, “If Mama’s not happy, nobody’s happy.” So true! Knowing what makes me happy and actively pursuing those things helps me feel fulfilled as a person. I know that raising my son well is one of the most important things I can do to contribute to the well-being of the planet. However, this is a long-term goal and some of the day-to-day aspects of it aren’t particularly gratifying. For me, I know that when I have outlets for my creativity, time with my girlfriends and time to myself, I am a more happy and balanced person, and I bring that positive energy into my time with my son. I am also setting an example that lets him know it’s healthy for him to respect his own needs.

And finally, taking time to consider who I want to be as a woman and a mother gives me a compass reading for my own true North. As a mother, I’m bombarded with opinions and advice from friends, family, TV commercials, magazines, and other media. If I haven’t taken the time to think deeply about who I am and what I stand for, then I am at the mercy of public opinion, swaying me to and fro on issues that seriously affect the health and wellbeing of my child. Knowing myself gives me the confidence to ask better questions, search more deeply for answers, and reject those answers that don’t fit.

Check back Friday for Part 2 of the series, Mindful Mothering: Knowing My Child.