Please click here to find me at my slightly new location.  The name is the same – only the URL and look have changed.  See you there!

Cheers!

Alexis

Just for fun, I thought I’d share with you this little slice of morning life in our home. Here are the boys doing yoga together:

Toddler Yoga

Sometimes when my husband does a particularly strenuous pose, there is a little bit of huffing and puffing. Here is Lucas’ version of what yoga sounds like:

I came across this heart-wrenching post last week on A Well Lived Life, and Carol has given me permission to re-post it here for you, my readers. It relates to the death of a healthy baby boy the evening of his four-month immunization shots.

I know this is a contentious subject. Information that challenges the status quo is always vilified before it is eventually accepted, first as an acceptable alternative, and eventually as the new status quo. As you read the following story and the powerful letter written by Liz Parker, consider the many things we now know to be toxic (like lead, mercury and asbestos, to name a few) that were not so long ago found throughout our homes. As you’ll read in the letter and in the links Ms. Parker provides, there are many substances already known to be toxic that we are still injecting into our tiny babies. It’s time we shine a very bright light on this practice. I hope this post inspires you to think beyond the headlines.

And so, here it is:

This was a post from a Yahoo Vaccination Group. I have permission to share this from the moderator as well as the author of this letter:

Here is the link to the story about the 4 month old that died after receiving his well-check vaccinations: http://www.wqad.com/Global/story.asp?S=8613656&nav=1sW7

Here is the letter Liz Parker sent to the coroner’s office regarding the story noted above:

“Dear Ms. Anderson,

My name is Liz Parker, I am a mother, advocate, and concerned citizen. I am writing, today, with a heavy heart.

As parent to three children, two of whom suffered severe health events coincident with vaccination (one at 3 months, the other at 6 months and neither biologically related to the other), I have spent the last seven years attempting to inform our Government officials, doctors, and fellow citizens of the risks that are attendant in vaccinating infants and small children (even adults are at significant risk). We do not know enough about the impact of the “medicines” we inject, nor about their action within the human body and its sensitive organs and chemical or electrical balance.

As coroner in this tragic situation, you stand in an undoubtedly uncomfortable place. I cannot imagine the pressure you feel as you dissect this tiny person, thinking of his parents who were so full of love, hopes, and dreams for him, just days before; being pressured to maintain your good reputation in the medical field, by Government agencies “requesting” you conclude some statistically unlikely event occurred so the vaccine program can continue its “mission;” and being barraged by people, like myself, who see this awful event as one more of the too-many losses that have occurred in our government’s war on its citizens’ health. One in six children now is developmentally disabled, and, according to the military data, 1 in less than 90 have Autism, according to School Districts’ data the number of students with Autism is 1 in 67.

Too many families now live with severe disability; many of us are making Herculean effort to stop harm to anybody else. We are not ill-educated lunatics. We are not wealthy, with more time on our hands than sense. We simply care too much not to try to make the world a safer place to live.

One of my children is severely disabled. For life.

This little boy is dead. His last day was spent in a doctor’s office, getting shots – “Well Care.”

Please, whatever the cause, publish the absolute truth. This little boy’s mommy and daddy deserve to know what shattered their lives into a billion pieces – and if it was the many poisons and toxins contained in the following list and most likely injected into his little body as part of his “Well Care” vaccines, so does the rest of the world. Also, please know that “mercury free” vaccines are not necessarily so – please see these test results: http://www.hapihealth.com/index.phpoption=com_content&task=view&id=19&I\temid=33%0b

Here is the link to the CDC’s `Vaccine Excipient & Media Summary, Part 2, Excipients Included in U.S. Vaccines,” ingredients in the shots this little boy may have received: http://www.cdc.gov/vaccines/pubs/pinkbook/downloads/appendices/B/excipient-table-2.pdf

One of my children suffers an on-going encephalopathy, severe GI dysfunction, hypotonia, global developmental delay, autoimmune dysregulation, Autism, and much more, another suffers severe allergies and asthma; both likely candidates for harm done by the ingredients injected into them in the name of “health;” which I now know comes from a nutritious diet, proper handwashing, quality sleep, and exercise outside in the sun. In our case, the third time IS a charm, because my son is completely healthy (and completely unvaccinated); amazing, chicken pox, measles, and mumps did no permanent damage and now he is immune for life.

My story is not unique or even seldom seen; this fact drives me to send letters like this.

Please, please, please, whatever it is, out the truth.

Thank you for your thoughtful consideration and time,

Liz Parker”

I am curious to read your thoughts on this post. Please share how this story affected you in the comments. Thank you for reading.

While “thinking ahead” may seem to contradict my whole premise of being in the moment, it actually strengthens it. Read on to find out why it warrants the final spot on the Flexible Conclusions list in this fourth and final post for the Mindful Mothering series.

Conclusion #4: Thinking Ahead Also Makes Me a Better Mother

For the organized planner in me, it’s nice to know that there is a place in mindful mothering for thinking ahead. It’s not all about experiencing each moment as it unfolds. While that’s an important practice, without an element of proactivity, I am likely to miss key opportunities in raising my son mindfully.

When I think ahead to the kind of man I wish to send out into the world as an adult, this helps me determine the kinds of behaviors and attitudes I want to nurture in my young child right now. For example, I hope my son grows to be a good steward of his environment, so I made it a point to model age-appropriate behaviors that encourage that kind of attitude. My son will walk across an entire playground to put a tiny scrap of found trash into the garbage can – all on his own. It’s become important to him. Many months ago, when he first started picking up empty wrappers from the sand, I could have just said, “Oh, give that yucky trash to Mommy. I’ll take care of it.” But because I was thinking ahead to the kinds of attitudes I wanted to encourage, I took the time to walk with him to the garbage can and show him how to put it in – and then wash his hands really well.

Related to that example is another way in which thinking ahead makes me a more mindful mother. As mothers, there are so many decisions we need to make minute by minute. These decisions may seem small, but each one shapes the foundation of our child’s character in its own way. It can be
is exhausting to be mindful of how each of our decisions and interactions affects our children. Sometimes it is so easy to say, “Oh, what the heck, just this once, I don’t care if he jumps on the furniture. I’m too tired to go stop him.” When I’m thusly tempted, all I have to do is think ahead to life with a 2 ½ -year-old with inconsistent boundaries, or worse … adolescence! This gives me the strength to make difficult decisions now, in the present moment.

“It goes by so fast.” We hear this over and over again, and as mothers, we feel it tug at our hearts with a melancholy sense of anticipatory loss. We look at the baby pictures and wonder how they’ve changed so much in such a tiny blink of an eye. On days when I am in a bad mood, Lucas is driving me crazy, or I’m just distracted by too much to do, thinking ahead to a time when my son will be grown and gone jolts me immediately into an almost desperate appreciation for this exact moment right now. Hmmm… is he up from his nap yet?

I hope you’ve enjoyed my little experiment with writing a series. If you’d like to read more posts like these – or not – please let me know via comments or email. I’m curious to know what you think.

If you missed the first three parts, you can click on these links to go back to Part 1: Knowing Myself, Part 2: Knowing My Child, or Part 3: Being Present.

As mothers, how often do we find our bodies in one place, but our thoughts somewhere completely different? Part 3 of this series addresses what I think is the most important conclusion about mindful mothering, and the one that is most difficult to practice: being present.

Conclusion #3: Being Present Makes Me a Better Mother

When I give my attention to what is right in front of me, especially when I’m with my son, it makes me a better mother in three ways. First of all, it helps me know my child better (flexible conclusion #2!) and develop a stronger relationship with him. When I spend time with my son and I don’t give in to the temptation to simultaneously attend to half a dozen other tasks or thoughts, I learn so much more about him. I pick up on nuances in his thinking processes, emotional responses, or motor skills that I might otherwise have missed. We have better conversations because I’m listening to him with no distractions and nothing else on my mind. The more present I am with him, the more respected he feels, and this helps us build a trusting, loving relationship.

Now, don’t think this happens all day long in our home. These are short little chunks of time set aside just for us. There are many other chunks of time in which he’s playing independently (or getting into stuff) while I cook or do housework, to be sure. But I notice a shift for the worse in our relationship if I haven’t made enough time for us to set aside all other tasks and be present together.

A second way being present makes me a better mother is that it helps me make important decisions. When I am fully in the moment, I am able to clearly see my options and I am more open to receiving inspiration for what is best for that particular situation. If I am distracted by thoughts or emotions that take me away from this moment, then I may react emotionally, or act on advice that doesn’t really fit for me. Being present is how I navigate through the sea of books offering contradictory parenting philosophies and strategies. When I am present, I know that it isn’t about a strategy. It’s about what is best for my son and me in this exact moment.

Finally, being present shows that I value my time, whether it’s with my son or with my work. Each gets full attention at the appropriate time. When I am clear about what I am choosing to do in each moment, without distraction, I am respecting myself as well as my task at hand, and I am modeling that respect for my child.

What do you think? How does being present work in your home?

Check back Wednesday for the final part in the series: Mindful Mothering – Thinking Ahead

If you missed the first two parts, you can click on these links to go back to Part 1and Part 2 of the series.

This is part two of my series on Mindful Mothering. If you missed the first part, just click here to go to Wednesday’s post. For reference, I’ve copied and pasted my handy little list of conclusions for you. Today, I’ll explore my second conclusion.

Conclusion #2: Knowing My Child Makes Me a Better Mother

This might seem obvious to you, but I have to tell you that I’ve seen many families in which this isn’t understood or practiced. Here is a true story about a seven-year-old boy from my classroom many years ago. He was part of an upwardly mobile family living in a nice neighborhood. His parents took many luxury vacations, frequently leaving the kids with the grandparents. This boy (I’ll call him Tommy) was an obvious athlete by second grade. He played all sports very well, and always wore some sort of sports jersey to school. A stranger walking into the school could tell you at a glance that Tom liked sports. Our first parent-teacher conference was in October. The only goal of this meeting was to get to know the parents and get to know the child through the parents’ eyes. When I asked them what they could tell me about Tommy, they hemmed and hawed and passed the question between them like a hot potato. Finally, the father said, “Well, he’s really good at sports.” “Yes, that’s quite evident,” I responded. “What else can you tell me about him? What do you think it’s important for me to know about your son that would help me be the best teacher possible for him?” They shifted in their seats and stared at their diamond-encrusted fingers, silent. They had nothing to say. It may come as no surprise to you that this smart and talented boy was very troubled. He was known at the school for being a “runner”, as in running away … from the school. Something would trigger him, and it was like a mask would clamp down over his face. After a moment of standing frozen, he would dash for the door and then keep on running. This family didn’t understand the importance of knowing their child.

When I honor my son’s emerging personality and natural talents, I know he feels respected and loved. At 21 months old, he is keenly aware of when I am talking about him and he responds immediately to what I am saying. When I call my mother to share a funny story about him or an impressive accomplishment, he practically glows with satisfaction while he listens to me on the phone. Knowing that I know him and understand the nuances of his every effort gives him the confidence to try new things.

Observing my son when he’s playing independently is nothing short of fascinating to me. For example, I’ve learned that he has a tendency toward impatience, and would often give up or walk away when something would get too hard. However, with some gentle encouragement from us, he has learned to persevere. I now watch him work through challenges without our intervention, crowing with delight when he succeeds. I feel pretty confident that I know when to step in and when to leave him alone because I pay attention to him and how he operates. This gives him an appropriate balance of freedom and security from me.

Knowing my child helps me respect him for who he is, not who I want him to be. If I have a vision of what I think my son should be – say, an athlete – and I don’t pay close enough attention to notice that there are other things my son would rather do, then I will only see what I want to see. My son will then learn that athletic skill is what gets my attention, and the other things will fade away, along with a little bit of his self-hood. On the other hand, if I’m paying attention, I’ll clearly notice my child’s interests and I can encourage his natural gifts, allowing him to grow in confidence and self-respect.

Check back Monday for Part 3 of the series: Mindful Mothering: Being Present

Being a mindful mother has been a goal of mine ever since I began considering motherhood. I have always known that the key to all good things that I wish for our world is intimately connected to how we raise our children. I also know that there are countless contradictory ideas swimming in our collective consciousness about how that should look. I don’t claim to have an answer that is any better or any worse than someone else’s. After teaching other people’s children for over a decade, as well as exploring my own sense of selfhood over the years, I’ve come to some flexible conclusions. My current experience of motherhood is my opportunity to test these theories. Variables change daily, and what’s more, we won’t see the results of this experiment for years to come. What an inexact science this is!

This post is the first in a series on mindful mothering. In each post, I’ll explore a different conclusion in more depth. But first …

Conclusion #1: Knowing Myself Makes Me a Better Mother

I’m not talking about the kinds of things I include in my Facebook profile. This is much deeper than the books I read or my favorite quote. I’m talking about unearthing my unconscious emotional triggers, being clear about what I want from life, and knowing who I want to be as a woman and a mother. I’m well aware this is a work in progress. Just because I may never fully know the answers isn’t a good enough reason to avoid them. The point is to be actively engaged in the questions, and here is why this is important to me as a mother:

When I am aware of my emotions and I’m in better control of my responses, I can make rational and thoughtful decisions about parenting that are separate from my own childhood issues. How many times do we hear women say, “Oh no – I’ve become my mother!” Now, for me, that would be a cool thing, because my mom happens to be my very best friend and I admire her completely. But this isn’t always the case, and many women are disturbed when they find themselves parenting in exactly the same way they were parented. Other women rebel against their parents and choose to raise their children in as opposite a way as possible. Either way, these are parenting decisions that are made in reaction to childhood issues, rather than from a place of thoughtful choice.

For my baby shower two years ago, the note accompanying a little self-pampering basket read, “If Mama’s not happy, nobody’s happy.” So true! Knowing what makes me happy and actively pursuing those things helps me feel fulfilled as a person. I know that raising my son well is one of the most important things I can do to contribute to the well-being of the planet. However, this is a long-term goal and some of the day-to-day aspects of it aren’t particularly gratifying. For me, I know that when I have outlets for my creativity, time with my girlfriends and time to myself, I am a more happy and balanced person, and I bring that positive energy into my time with my son. I am also setting an example that lets him know it’s healthy for him to respect his own needs.

And finally, taking time to consider who I want to be as a woman and a mother gives me a compass reading for my own true North. As a mother, I’m bombarded with opinions and advice from friends, family, TV commercials, magazines, and other media. If I haven’t taken the time to think deeply about who I am and what I stand for, then I am at the mercy of public opinion, swaying me to and fro on issues that seriously affect the health and wellbeing of my child. Knowing myself gives me the confidence to ask better questions, search more deeply for answers, and reject those answers that don’t fit.

Check back Friday for Part 2 of the series, Mindful Mothering: Knowing My Child.

You probably already know this, but a reminder never hurts. Smoothies are a great summer treat for the kids that can be packed with nutrients for a healthy, refreshing snack. I say they can be packed with nutrients because it all depends on what you put in the blender. I avoid ready-made smoothies or mixes because they’re just so easy to do on your own, and then you have control over what goes in. Our 21-month-old son has decided he loves them! He especially likes the grown-up way he gets to use a cup with a straw. (Tip: cut the straw down a couple of inches for the little ones. It’s easier for them to manage when it’s closer to the cup.)

You can use any ingredients you like. For a really cold smoothie at its simplest, you need a liquid, a frozen fruit, and a fresh fruit (usually a banana for smooth consistency). We always choose organic items so we know we’re not including any extra ingredients by accident. Put them all together in the blender and whip ‘em up! Here are some ideas to get you started:

The first one is Lucas’ favorite. Acai’ berries are packed with antioxidants. They are found in little pureed packets in the frozen section of most stores. If you’re in San Diego, you can find them at Henry’s and the like.

You can also add protein powder, if you wish. Lucas doesn’t like it – probably the consistency – and since we’re not using this as a meal replacement, I’ve just eliminated it.

Let me know if you have any winning smoothie combinations! Happy slurping!

Who couldn’t use a little more time or money? I wanted to share a fantastic resource for local moms in the San Diego area. It’s called San Diego Bargain Mama, and it showcases valuable products, quality services, and family-friendly events, all at affordable prices. Stacey Ross is the mastermind behind this fabulous money-saving website, newsletter and blog. In addition to tracking down great deals and freebies for the family, she also finds resourceful entrepreneurs who are helping moms save time and money.

One such mom was featured in this month’s newsletter. Lisa Leete started a business called Thrifty Kitchen, which offers quick & easy dinner recipes based on weekly grocery sale items. This is such a fantastic idea – I wish I had thought of it! Except that I don’t have the patience to check all the advertisements and plan my menus accordingly. By subscribing to her service, you don’t have to! She does it for you! Great idea, Lisa! Check out the interview with her here.

The San Diego Bargain Mama newsletter has been a great source of breaking news on sales, free special events, contests, and more. To check it out and subscribe for free, click here. You won’t regret it!

Want to see me hyperventilate? Just show me a needle that is designed to pierce human skin, then sit back and enjoy the show. This must have something to do with the inordinate number of shots I received as a child. We lived out of the country off and on, and I have vivid memories of being pulled down the hospital hallways, screaming and writhing in anticipation of the dreaded needles. Just mention the possibility of a shot, even now, and my eyes involuntarily well up with tears. I’m 40 years old, people! I should be over this already, right?

Here’s a lovely piece of irony for you. My son, Lucas, has just been diagnosed with a peanut allergy. The diagnosis followed a very scary dash to the emergency room after he shared a bite of a peanut trail mix bar with someone – I won’t mention names – who is not me, but who is also Lucas’ parent. I know, I know… it could have just as easily been me.

So, here’s where the irony kicks in. I now have to carry an Epi-pen at all times. For those of you don’t know about such things, this is basically a shot I have to administer to keep my child from dying, should he ingest a bit of peanut. I spent the entire morning today squirming while the the allergist explained how and when to use it. The needle is housed inside a little cartridge, and it pops out when you hit the black end against the skin.

Here’s a little picture. Look closely and you’ll see the diagram of the person jabbing their thigh with a needle!

Then we had to go see the nurse, who had us practice on ourselves with a needle-free cartridge. As I sat there squirming, with tears falling down my cheeks as quickly as I could wipe them, the nurse looked at me blankly and said, “You’re not good with needles, are you?” She added that the needle is pretty thick, like a sewing needle, and it’s long, too! Heartless woman. And if I have to use it, God forbid, then in addition to jabbing my poor little child with a long, thick needle, I have to hold it there for ten seconds and then pull the whole, long thing out. No, it doesn’t retract on its own.

I know I should be thankful that we found out now, and that we have the ability to treat him instantly should we have an emergency. And perhaps this is one way for me to finally get over my insane shot phobia, and I could, theoretically, be thankful for that, too. But it’s going to take me some time.